We All Want Impossible Things, Catherine Newman
‘If cancer had seen as many romantic comedies as I have, it would understand that what’s next on the schedule is delightful plot twist. But cancer has mostly just watched gritty documentaries about war and famine. Also melodramas. Cancer has seen Beaches and Terms of Endearment, and it has no imagination for joy. There will be no turn of events.’
To craft a novel about the final weeks of life in a hospice, filled at the same time with humour, life, and joy, feels like a near-impossible task. Yet Catherine Newman, debut adult novelist, has achieved it. In the same breath, Newman’s semi-autobiographical writing carries humour, wit and irreverence as well as searing loss, love and grief.
We All Want Impossible Things is the story of best friends Edi and Ash: Edi is in the final weeks of her life, terminally ill with ovarian cancer, and Ash is nursing her until the last breath. Ash is Edi’s biggest fan; she is the great love and friendship of her life. ‘At the risk of sounding like a diamond commercial, we share a lifetime of memories, Edi and I. [...] We kept toothbrushes at each other’s houses, showed each other our hickeys and hurt feelings, our SAT scores and pregnancy tests. [...] We presided over each other’s weddings, hosted each other’s baby showers. We held each other’s newborns, and then, during her treatment and my separation, each other’s hands and hearts.’
While Edi lies on her deathbed, in a hospice that feels rarely comforting, friendly and warm, Ash is experimenting with her separation from her husband, Honey, who remains in the picture - ‘whoring around’, as she describes it. For a novel about death, there’s a surprising amount of sex and food. Life feels vivid and vivacious, even in the grips of such tragedy. While the bodiliness and visceral aspect of Edi’s ailment is accentuated (leaky tubes, bile, etc.), so is that of everyday life. The central food motif is that of a lemon polenta cake which embosses the cover. It is a cake Edi once devoured, and Ash determines she will go to all lengths to find it for her. Simple joys - friendship, music, family, food, laughter - prevail and feel intensely important when it comes to the end.
The title - We All Want Impossible Things - feels like a nod towards accepting what we have and what is beautiful about it. The grass may always be greener, we want our relationships to be certain ways, and we want our friends to never die, but some things are impossible. Sometimes, we need to focus on the good things right in front of us before they slip away forever.
This is a novel of growth and realisation, of rediscovering what is meaningful in life, and understanding that with death and grief comes immense love and gratitude. It is also a rare story of female friendship later in life, a treasure that is often sacrificed to partners and children, illuminated in all its beauty, through the tears and the laughter.
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